One of My Favorite Online Resources

     One of my favorite resources is Common Sense Media.  https://www.commonsensemedia.org/  It is an easy to use website about kids and many different types of media.  When my kids were young I used them for their movie reviews. They would tell me what age they recommended the movie for and why. Then I would use that information to make my own decision about what my kids could see.  

    Common Sense Media has reviews on many different forms of media - movies, games, TV shows, apps, books, websites and podcasts.  They also have recommendations of these things for different age kids.  They also have parent's and kid's reviews of things as well. 

    But wait! There's more!  Their website addresses many other difficult media issues such as explaining the news, online safety, limits on screen times, cellphone usage in kids, and what to do when your child has found pornography online.

    Check it out!

Sense of Purpose

 Having a sense of purpose has been shown to increase happiness and longevity. I feel that with the rise of screen time and social isolation from the pandemic many of us have lost our sense of purpose. Since it is the start of summer our kids have now lost their primary "job" which is learning and school. Here are some ideas to help them find a sense of purpose over the summer.

1. Get a job or a volunteer position

2. Learn a new skill such as cooking, crafting, coding, a new language, or sport. There are so many online courses available these days.

3. Find a neighbor, friend, or family member who needs a kind act or some help. Mow their yard, bake them cookies, mail them art work or a homemade card, or visit/Facetime with them.

4. Ask them to help. Instead of calling it chores try to frame it as a way to help the family. (this works better when they are younger and more interested in helping -- but if you start early it is easier when they get older) Have your teen who is driving pick up things from the store for you.  Put the kids in charge of decorating before a party. Have them help keep the yard picked up /neat or sweep the pool (teens) so that it is ready to go when they want to play outside.  Have them put together your most recent IKEA purchase. 

5. Put their crazy good internet skills to use.  Give them something to research.  How to fix the flat tires on the bikes in the garage and list what supplies are needed. (and then fix it together).  Have them find a new recipe or restaurant for the family to try. (or for them to cook). If you are going on a trip have the research things to do in the area (give them a budget). Need a new appliance?  Have them figure out the best brand and price.  I've discovered my kids are superb at finding the best deal on things!

6. Get involved in a new group.  Book club, religious group (vacation bible school), sport, or makers group. 

Here's to a fun summer!

Fixing a Crazy Sleep Schedule

At every well visit I ask my patients about how they are sleeping. Every summer I get lots of answers about trouble sleeping. It has been much worse this summer because of the end of in person school in March so most kids have not had to get up for anything for months.

For most people (but especially teenagers) our body clock wants us to stay up late and then sleep in late. What happens when you sleep in later is that you cannot fall asleep early the next night.  It is like changing time zones. Add in the relaxing of rules and available electronics and I have found lots of my patients staying up most of the night and then sleeping most of the day. This is problematic for a number of reasons.  For one, if your child has to get up early for something they will be tired and cranky.  Second, nutrition suffers. If you sleep through several day time meals you then are hungry at night and end up eating a bunch of junk food instead.  Third, it is hard to fall asleep like many of my patients complain about. Fourth, what are your kids doing all night long while you are sleep. Who are they talking to on the internet? Or, what are they watching?

We (including adults) all feel our best if we are on a regular sleep schedule.  When there is a long break from school it is ok if the schedule is a little later than usual but we all need a regular bedtime and a regular time to get up.  To start out decide what time you want your child to get up. Then count back about 10 hours before that (9 hours for high schoolers) and then you have your bedtime. Every one is different so your child might need a little more or less than this amount of time but it is a good place to start.  To get to this point you have to gradually start waking your child up earlier each morning and then a day or two later start having them go to bed earlier.  If you try to just have them go to bed earlier they will not be able to fall asleep because they slept in. Once you have them on the schedule you want keep them on it.  Do not let your school age child nap.  If they need a nap it will interfere with their bedtime. Instead move their bedtime earlier if they are taking naps when they are not sick.

If you child has electronics (tablet, phone, TV, video games) in their bedroom it can interfere with their sleep. It is recommended to get them out of the bedroom before bedtime.  Some families create a charging station somewhere else in the house and have everyone turn in their devices at a certain time. For things that can't be removed such as TV or gaming station you can take away controllers and the remote at a certain time.   I would recommend that the family sit down together to make a media plan. If the kids have some input they are more likely to agree to the rules. Here is a link to help make a media plan. https://www.healthychildren.org/English/media/Pages/default.aspx#planview

If these things are not helping and your child is still having sleep problems please make an appointment to see us to discuss it further.

Holiday Season Stress

Everyone seems stressed this time of year so I thought we would talk about a few things to help.

1. Manage your expectations.  If you expect your house, tree, food all to be Pinterest worthy you will be upset when it doesn't happen.

2. Don't worry about what everyone else thinks or is doing. It's ok if your house is the only one on the street without a large light display.

Let's talk about what creates memories for kids and how to do it simply.

1. Kids remember certain decorations (especially ones that they made).  There is no need to put up all your decorations if you don't want to -- ask them to put up the ones that mean the most to them.

2. They remember things that happen year after year  -- holiday rituals and routines.   Ask your kids what is important to them and limit what you schedule to what their answer is.  We did breakfast with Santa with the kids for years. It turns out they enjoyed making Christmas cookies and having pizza on Christmas Eve more.

3. The most memorable holidays are the ones where things go wrong. It doesn't seem funny at the time but it will be talked about for years.

4. Kids like the simple things.  Spend the day in pajamas playing board games and drinking eggnog and hot chocolate.  They also like holiday movies, books, puzzles, crafts.

5. Consider using convenience services.  Certainly we all use Amazon but consider ordering your groceries online.  If holiday cooking is stressing you out then use a prepared meal from a grocery store or restaurant or even go out to eat.  Your kids are only going to eat half a roll and 3 bites off mashed potato so they are not likely to tell the difference!

I hope this helps you out and that everyone enjoys the holidays.

Book Club #2

I am going to continue my review of parenting books with the book "Quiet" by Susan Cain.  I first read this book several years ago and it really spoke to me since it described myself as well as most members of my family.

"Quiet" is about the role of introverts in a society that values extroverts. One third to one half of our population are introverts.  The definition of an introvert is complex. Jung's definition is that an introverts are drawn to the world of thoughts and feelings while extroverts are drawn to the world of people and activities.  Introverts need time to be alone while extroverts need to socialize.  This does not mean that introverts are anti social or shy. It means that they prefer to get together with friends one on one while extroverts like large social gatherings.

I think this book is valuable to parents because it helps define some different temperaments which will help them understand themselves and their children better. Sometimes parents are concerned about their children when they don't want a large birthday party or that they leave a social gathering to go and read in their room. These are characteristics of introverts. Our society values extroverts which puts pressure on parents and children.  Understand that your children might be different from you as well as well as from their siblings and that you may need to adjust your parenting accordingly.

Book Club #1

I am going to do a series of book reviews on my blog on books that have to do with parenting and behavior.  I just finished reading the book "The Self Driven Child" by Stixrud and Johnson. I was drawn to this book because I have been having an ongoing discussion with my hiking friends about how to get our children to be self motivated.

I am grateful that I ended up with two very self motivated children. I asked them how they think they ended up that way.  They both said that they like challenges and that they don't like to be bored. This still didn't answer my question so I read the book.

The subtitle of "The Self Driven Child" is "The Science and Sense of Giving Your Kids More Control Over Their Lives"  The book encourages giving your child more autonomy.  It says the role of a parent is to be a "consultant" to your child. This makes a lot of sense to me because when we feel like we have control we are likely to have less anxiety and are more invested in our lives. I actually wrote a blog about choices in Oct. 2013 if you are interested in going back to read it. Control and choice does not mean that they get to do whatever they want -- limits and rules are important.

Another point in the book was that kids and teens need a passion in their life. This can be a sport, hobby, or interest. I have found that my patients with interests tend to do better socially and academically and are more likely to stay out of trouble than those who don't.

There is a chapter in the book called "The Nonanxious Presence."  It talks about how a parent's anxiety can contribute to your's child's anxiety.  A light bulb went on when I read this because I worry about my daughter's driving.  She found it funny that I didn't worry about her when she traveled to Hong Kong and China by herself but that I can't handle the idea of her driving to and from Flagstaff.  What this book told me is that my worrying about her driving makes her have less confidence in her driving. (There must be something to worry about since mom is so worried)  I told my daughter this and she agreed.  So I am going to work on decreasing my anxiety about her driving. (at least I'm not going to let her know that I am worrying!)

After reading this book I have concluded that there is not a simple path to developing a self motivated child. I highly recommend this book. It it very thought provoking.

P.S. If you read this book let me know.  I would love to hear what you think.

Feelin' Good

I recently had to have a colonoscopy.  (it went fine, thank you!)  If any of you have had one done you know that you are not allowed to eat the day prior to it.  I was allowed to have clear fluids so drank things with sugar in them so that I could get some calories to get me through the day.  I did not feel like my normal self all day. I was irritable, (just ask Dr. Novy!) tired, and did not concentrate well.  My athletic performance was affected as well. I found it took me extra time to ride my bike home from work. The difference was especially noticeable when I was allowed to return back to my normal diet and I felt fantastic.

So I experienced what I tell my patients all the time. If you don't take good care of your body you are not going to feel good and not perform your best either academically or athletically.

Here is what I recommend for my patients.

1. Eat a good breakfast daily.  A good breakfast includes some protein and whole grains / fiber.  Protein includes meat, eggs, beans, nuts or nut butters, and dairy products.  The protein and fiber will keep you feeling full longer and keep your blood sugar stable.

2. Drink lots of water. Have something to drink with breakfast and then take a water bottle to school with you.

3. Get plenty of sleep. This does not mean naps.  I recommend a regular bedtime even on weekends and over breaks.

4. Get regular exercise. Our bodies do not like sitting in front of a desk or computer all day so we feel best when we mix it up with some movement.

I'm happy to back to my normal diet and routine and I am glad I have another 10 years before my next colonoscopy!